verschwinden.

The English say ‘sharp’ differently.  It’s cute :D

Needless to say, I’m absolutely obsessed with this lady.  She has an adorable face with an adorable voice singing adorable songs.  Despite the mess I’m in, her music has made me so happy.  Not quite sure why purchasing her CD made me feel the happiest I’ve been in a while, but it did.

I’d love to learn ukulele so I can play her songs, but, well…I’m just too lazy, haha.  I have enough to practice..and learn.  I’m 40% sure I’m changing my primary audition piece.  Lovely, huh?  But it’s a pretty cool piece, let’s just see if I can play it.

Got my first two bug bites all summer today :[ Oh well, it was inevitable.

“But you are by far my favorite and I hope that I’m by far your favorite, too.”
—You Are My Favourite, Sophie Madeleine

And I’ll be very happy -> http://twowrongsmakeavice.com/want-a-book/

CLICK!

So for once, I’ve been so busy that I didn’t have time to text you before your flight!  And your flight was at seven!  I can’t believe I had a life today.  It feels great.  I’m staying up to talk to you for a bit, then sleeping.  Is it crazy I still stay up for you?

Do you still stay up to talk to me?

But anyway, I went to dinner after everything around seven with Meng, my sister, and Scott.  I decided, what the hell, it’s only Meng, my sister, and Scott, I could totally be myself.  So I was.  Big mistake?  Yeah…

You never really realize how annoying you are until you take a big step back and reflect…and by then, it’s too late.  He’s the last close guy friend I have left, but I think I blew it.  Why am I so hyper when I’m with my sister?  Damnit.

People are right, there really is a Taylor Swift song for every emotion I have.  As much as Taylor Swift has gotten on my nerves (from over exposure from others, she personally didn’t do anything wrong..), I’ve been refraining from pressing the » button on my iPod when one of her songs come up.

Every now and then, I feel like contacting someone to talk about my problems…but I mean, when I tell people my problems, I usually get the response “I don’t know what to say”.  Well, neither do I, which is why I’ve asked for your opinions on the situation(s)…but it looks like I’m on my own again for this one.  I guess I don’t mind, though, I mean, what do I expect people to say to me about this whole thing?  It’s a mess on top of a mess.  Like my room, it’s gonna take a while to clear out.

My posts are long.  But hey, I have a lot to say.

So tomorrow, I wake up, watch TV, go to Sonic with Max, then maybe start my life…life in this context means typing up things from today’s meeting onto the FB thread, practicing, and actually looking/starting my AP assignments finally.

…Who even reads this?

Wow, 100 posts already?  Alrightee, then.

So I’ll blog about my life, again.

Everything is changing.  I can drive, I’m in training for my job, I’m slowly but surely improving on one of my college audition pieces, and I’m turning into a senior.  But that’s just what’s changing on the surface.  Generally, over the past two years, my self esteem, confidence, and happiness level have been at its peak.  I’m gradually going down hill.  I haven’t reached complete dismay, though, so I’m thankful for that.  There’s still a part of me that’s strong enough to find the happiness in my situation.

Thanks to my friend.  Which brings another point about things changing.  People are changing.  Not personality wise, but position wise, so to speak.  They’re shifting all over the place.  I’m in the midst of one major change and shift.  I know it’s coming and I’m not surprised by it.  So there’s shift one.  Next shift: recently, I’ve found out some bit of information I’m still trying to wrap my head around.  This one, I did not see coming.  It explains a lot, but I still don’t know what to do about it.  As I sit idly, this person shifts.  Right now, I really don’t have the backbone I did to keep me up.  There’s one more shift.  This person…not quite sure where this person is shifting exactly, but this person’s shifting nonetheless.  I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

But it’s all so overwhelming.  I used to have it all, the love, the bond, the peace of mind.  Now, I feel like my whole life is a game of Jenga.  I’m not losing anything, they’re just being put in different places.  You start by removing the less important things and putting them in a different spot on top, as to not disturb the stability of the tower of wooden blocks.  For those of you who are actually reading this and know the concept of Jenga, you know what I’m talking about (if not, look it up on Wikipedia or something).  Everything is being rearranged right before my eyes.  The changes are making me unstable, but I haven’t completely fallen yet.  What makes you fall is when you remove your main sources of support.  You’re not losing them, you can still put them back on top, but you’re no longer placing the blocks on top of a tower.  By then, you’ll be putting them on a heap of destruction, blocks everywhere, a discombobulated pile.  No support, nothing holding it back.  Strewn around freely, raw, a mess.

A little too over dramatic?  Perhaps.  Take into account that it’s roughly 12:45AM in the middle of summer.  Also take into account that you probably have no idea what this whole post is actually about.

according to my Twitter, was fucking weird.

I know how I feel and I know what I want.  I know what I have but do I really want it?

It explains so much.

But wait, there’s more.  You say you were debating on whether or not to like me?  I mean, you can’t choose something like that, it should just happen, right?  Or am I going crazy?  Rhetorical question.

And you?  Well, you know how I feel about you.  I think we spent our 2yr and 1mo anniversary quite well.  Monster Mini Golf & Teaneck.  Today was a good day.

My thoughts were directed at three people just now.  Name the three and you’ll get a prize.

Maybe one day, I’ll post an entry where I can talk directly about certain things and not have to be so vague about my life.

The only one awake in my hotel room. I say I’m not tired, but I’m actually exhausted. I’m just waiting for you to respond. I know I obsess and text you way too often, but it’s only for a little longer. Please, just text me back…I’ve sent you 4 texts since around 8 in the morning.

I’m just being a complete bitch, but how about some support here?

I love how alone I feel.

while practicing and I question myself. “Why the hell do I want to be a music major?”

In times like these when I’m overly pessimistic,

I realize I’m pretty much a music major because I can’t do anything else.  Besides speak German.

I mean, I enjoy music.  But if you took away my music, I’m nothing.

Does that make sense?  Probably not.

I”ll go resume my practicing now.

kimyoora:

paperhentai:

(via itryreallyfuckinghard)

the day comes, the more I love you.

I’m bored..waiting for my iPod to charge so I can sleep in peace.

Dropping off my sister at Montclair, then driving home, with no on in the passenger side this time.  Should be interesting.

If I’m still alive, then I need to pick up Joanne and go to the officer meeting…

Then back to Montclair to pick my sister back up…around 3 45?

But then be home by 4 30 the absolute latest because I have a doctors appointment at 4 45..Can’t forget to bring my working papers.

Drop off my working papers sometime later.  And see you there for a second :D

Then back home, to practice.  Something always seems to come up that prevents me from practicing like I should.

Meh.  Pointless blog, like mine always are.

‘heartbreak’ seems to be thrown around as easily as ‘love’ is.   Words cannot fully describe the meaning and feeling of heart break, just as they cannot for love.

Du bist in ein Monat und ein Tag umziehend.  As much as I’d like to convince myself otherwise, ich bin fast positiv, dass mein Herz brechen werde.

I was practicing my Db major/harmonic minor scales and I asked myself, why the hell do we have to do scales?  I pushed the thought aside, but then quickly realized that if a student of mine were to ask me that as well, I’d have to actually give a valid answer.

Scales are like the alphabet.  It’s the same thing over and over again and you’re told to learn them without given a reason why.  You just know that you have to do them.  There’s a reason why they’re taught before everything else you learn, scales before solo music, alphabet before language.

Music is based on scales (unless it’s some really odd contemporary stuff) as language is based on the alphabet.  All the little notes in the scale are arranged in ways that create genius melodies and harmonies, just as the letters in the alphabet are arranged to make every word in this blog.  When I put it into those terms, it all seems so simple.

Why did it take me this long to figure out how to put that into words?

A nightmare. It happens. Another part of growing up, your nightmares are scarier. I dreamt about multiple car crashes amd looked square at a burglar. I’m terrified… Good morning, everyone.

I look back and remember the innocence, complete bliss of ignorance and youth.  Sometimes, I want to go back.  But then I look at myself now and see how far I’ve come.  I try not to regret much.  Going to the middle school to visit was hard because it made me remember and long for the times that were so simple.  My biggest problems were grades that don’t even matter now, and maybe a few friend issues here and there.

I took a day off today.

But now, my biggest problems deal with things that directly affect my future.

There are a lot of things I miss and wish I could block out from ever knowing about sometimes…but it’s all a part of growing up.  I felt like a kid when I was 16.  When I got my license, it hit me I was 17…and I don’t feel like a kid anymore.

Speeding Cars - Imogen Heap

2 times a charm?  Road test tomorrow.  Fuck you, parallel parking.

This week has been going rather well, with the exception of Sunday.  I’m looking forward to Friday, though.  Saturday evening should be fun, but other than that my week is sorta bland.  I need to practice more…how many times have I said that?

Well, let me focus on Friday, because I have a wonderful day planned.

So public ice skating hours are from 10 to 2, so Tyler and I will be ice skating sometime then.  After that, we’ll go to my house and I’ll start my attempt at dinner.  Well, eat lunch and then I’ll start my attempt at dinner.  Sometime after 3 I need to drive to Color Me Mine (assuming I have my damn license) and pick up the mug we painted together last week :]

THEN, I shall return home and resume dinner.  I’ve never made this recipe before and I’m sorta scared.  I reassured Tyler (and myself) that if it turns out badly, we can always order pizza.

THEN!  Dessert!  :D  I’ve made crepes tons of times so whatever.

THENNNN!!!  We chill.  Woo :]

That’s all.  Goodnight!

If someone to ask me why I was upset, it would be because of a few little reasons.  They sound stupid when I say them out loud, so why do they make me so upset?  Why am I so uptight all the time?  Why can’t I just let loose and accept that things never go according to plan?

I’ve just got to get all the negative feelings out.  It affects me so much that it prevents me from wanting to even practice.  And the amount of practicing really does determine my future.

I don’t want to talk, but I talk to you anyway.  Why?  It’s nothing personal, I’m just in such a bitter mood that I can only tolerate so much.  There’s only one person I want to talk to.

I’ll regret this later, but I’m going to try to get my hopes up for tomorrow.  It should be a good day, I have a great day scheduled out for tomorrow.  There’s so much that can go wrong, so many opportunities to make me upset.  I can see every single one of them right now.  But, something good could always happen..right?

I can’t remember the last time I went to Youth Group.

I’ve been neglecting all my friends this summer so far.  I’ve been a hermit, unless I was going out with Tyler.

To my friends:

I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I haven’t texted or facebooked you or anything, but I promise there is a good reason.  And I know you guys will understand.

There just aren’t enough hours in a day, are there?

I’m tired of the grey areas of the day.  I miss being happy..Idk how I managed to make myself happy for so long.  As I turn the pages of my agenda, I see it coming closer and closer…Although its but an empty square in my calendar, I know exactly what will happen that day.

Maybe I should’ve went to Youth Group.